What’s Love Got To Do With Living An Intentional Year?

February 14, 2019
Helen Joy Butler Valentine's Day quote

Today’s Valentine’s Day.

I’m going to be {perhaps} a little controversial and say that I’m not sure I’m a massive fan of it.

Maybe I’m getting jaded, and old. Maybe it’s because I’ve been married for so many years. Maybe it’s kids and work and the crazy busy society we live in. Maybe it’s because we should, in reality, be showing ourselves love – as well as the people around us love – each and every day of the year.

I have a question (or two!) for you today, on Valentine’s Day, to help you reflect on the love in your life and how it shows up for you.

These questions may make you feel uncomfortable but that’s not my intention. My intention is to give you some space to reflect, think, connect with the love around you – and then do something about it.

If these questions make you squirm a little, I apologise. But I promise I’m asking them for a good reason.

So let’s jump to it.

How much do you love yourself (really)?

How much does loving yourself help you live an intentional life?

How much does loving yourself show up as living consciously, in the here and now?

How much does loving yourself show others that it’s OK for them to love themselves too?

The reality is, I’m asking you to do more than think of ‘self-love’ today.

The reality is that I want you to look at where you don’t love yourself – and why.

How does your lack of love toward certain things in your life makes you feel?

What happened to make you feel that way?

Is the story you’re telling yourself true and correct?

If I was to meet you today, would I be able to see this story in your eyes?

Is there a way you can release your pain to a higher force, and start to connect with the things you already love in your life? The things that seem ‘easy’ to love? How would that feel?

If it’s OK with you, I’d like to share a story to help you understand my own journey with a deeper form of self-love. I don’t have a single word for it – perhaps one day I will – so here it is.

Four years ago – in 2015 – I started doing something everyone else in biz was doing.

I chose a word for the year.

It may well have been that I started following this trend before then as well, but the reality is that I can’t remember. That says something about the impact of this approach on me I think.

So in 2015 my word for the year was Voice.

In 2016 it was Dynamic.

And in 2017 it was Seek.

{If you’d like to read more about my journey with each of these, just pop over here.}

I realised after three years of following this approach a few things were happening to me.

  • I was following the crowd (never really that good for an introverted, HSP, non-conformist)
  • I was externalising how I wanted to show up in the world (and in turn ignoring my inner wisdom)
  • I wasn’t resonating with the word I chose for the year within a few months of choosing yet (I suppose I could have change it if I really wanted to?)
  • I felt like my word wasn’t as good as other peoples (aka I’m not as good as them)

Uggh. Exhausting.

So in 2018 I decided to really sit with what was going on for me and came up with a different concept altogether.

I decided that I wanted to chose traits that were already within me – traits that were already an inherent part of my personality – and develop them further.

So in essence, by not choosing a word for the year I chose instead to

  • Not to follow the crowd
  • Listen to and connect with my own inner wisdom
  • Stop giving my power away to other people who were never going to know me as well as I know myself

So last year I decided the three traits I wanted to focus on were being Kind, Generous and Thoughtful.

All year I tried each and every day to turn up with these traits in mind – both for myself and everyone around me.

But I started with myself first.

Each day I asked

  • How can I be kind to myself today?
  • How can I be generous with and for myself today?
  • How can I be thoughtful to my own needs today?

And this is what Valentine’s Day is all about for me.

Loving myself in a way that is authentically me – not some external reality other people place or have placed on me, simply so I can fit their image of who they think I should be in the world.

Yes, I agree that we should tell the people around us today that we love them. In fact, why don’t you tell as many people as you can – even those you don’t know? It could be interesting to see how that goes down!

But the reality may be that it’s easier to tell people in your life that you love them – but not say, show, or gift it to yourself.

If you are showing up in the world in a way that doesn’t fit your version of love, then it’s time for change.

That’s why I ran the Living Your Intentional Year Webinar earlier this week. To share my approach from last year – where being kind, generous and thoughtful to myself as well as others was my focus, and how it helped me get through what was a pretty tough year.

If you’d like to watch / listen to the webinar, just click on this image. I’d love to know what traits you’re going to focus on in 2019, if you decide to take up my approach, so please let me know in the comments.

With much love,

Helen xx

PS We will be talking about this concept a little more at the Caring For Your Sensitive Self workshop – just head over here for all the details and to sign up today.

Helen Joy Butler - Sanctuary Creator and Elemental Space Clearing® practitioner

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